Ode to the rule

Ode To The Rule
 
 
	They came to measure me,
four of’em plus the main guy,
who’s not as big as they are.
They take out this thing they call a rule,
made of high quality durable hardwood, they explain,
and unfold it and hold it up against me,
and make sure they’ve got it right at one end, 
which they call an extremity,
and they say I’ve got an imaginary perpendicular there,
which you can't see,
which is why they call it imaginary,
I suppose,
but one guy puts a stick on top of my head just to make sure, 
and he doesn’t hit me with it.
They say not to worry about it —
it’s just imaginary without the stick, 
and the stick helps them see the perpendicular you can’t see, 
and I say how do you know the stick's really perpendicular 
if you don't have a tool to check that,
and they say it's close enough,
and they say I’m this long and they point.   
"That's you, right there," 
and they show me me on the unfolded rule,
and I'm just speechless because I can't see me right there,
where they are pointing.
All I see are numbers and various little lines.
But I guess if they say that's me, that's me.
Who am I to say?
 
And then they leave, starting with the little guy,
who just walks out,
and doesn’t even look back at me.
But then the big guys walk out backwards,
all four of’em, one by one, 
and they each look right at me,
the whole time they are backing out.
Weird…
 
And then the next time they measure me,
not too long after the first time, maybe a few weeks,
or it could have been a few months —
I’m pretty sure it was not as long as a year,
same four plus the main guy,
presumably with the same high quality durable hardwood rule
(it certainly looks like the same one),
which they unfold, 
and place precisely on my imaginary perpendicular, 
at the same part of me they called an extremity last time, 
which I believe was the top of my head, 
if I recall correctly,
they say I’m a little short, 
I’ve shrunk a little, 
and they say to each other… 
“He’s a little short; he's shrunk a little,
probably due to some spinal compression," they say, 
"probably has a little osteoporosis;
we'll monitor this,"
and they fold up the unfolded rule, that has brass joints.
Or at least the main dude folds up the unfolded rule,
that has brass joints,
and he writes all this down in a little book,
which I take to be the monitor.
 
So I’m both long and short?
Well that’s crazy, but I didn’t say anything.
If you open your mouth around here they think you’re crazy.
 
Over the last few days,
or frankly it could be the last few weeks, 
I’ve really been thinking about this,
and I’m pretty sure I’ve got it figured out,
and just for you who don’t live here, 
and who have at least some interest in what I am trying to explain to you, 
if you would just listen,
here’s the long and the short of it:
or I should say here’s the long and the short of me, not it:
 
There’s some guy out there, 
who can tell guys much bigger than him what to do, 
sort of a Leader, 
out there with a Rule, 
made of high quality durable hardwood, 
with brass joints no less, 
(I saw’em — the brass joints — when they were unfolding the rule,
and placing it against my imaginary perpendicular, 
and I know brass when I see it),
some dude going around out there with four big guys,
and I mean BIG,
and all wearing the same kind of clothes, and the same color,
(except there was something different about the little guy, 
but I can't quite put my finger on it),
coming into people’s rooms
measuring for longs and shorts.
Apparently the Leader needs to know who’s long and who’s short,
or maybe it’s for even a BIGGER Leader above him.
But the way I see it, one way or the other it's for a Leader,  
whether he's big or little,
or both.
 
I'll be honest with you:  If I see’em comin' down the hall, 
or comin' out of somebody else's room,
I’m going to scoot right back to my room, 
so I'll be there,
in case they need to measure me again.
 
I kinda like that rule.
I love those brass joints,
and the way it stretches out and gets longer
when the little guy unfolds it (he's actually really nice, 
even though he didn't look at me when he left).
And I’m pretty sure I still have my imaginary perpendicular for it,
but if not, I’m sure they’ll have one they can use.
I just don't think it's my responsibility to store up imaginary perpendiculars,
especially for somebody else to use, for who knows what.
I mean, somebody could do some serious damage with that kind of stuff,
especially when you can't even see'em.
But I’m not going to worry about that.
I’ve got enough to worry about.