The archbishop, or Archie as he was called by most, was visiting an old man who had spent most of his life being. He grew most of his own food, including vegetables, pigs, chickens, corn, and a little milo. He had worked enough in his earlier years to receive a nice little monthly Social Security check, which contributed to his independence because it was more than enough given his lifestyle. But like most other people in these parts, he would still be independent even if he lost his Social Security check. He knew how to live. Archie loved these people. He had only recently met this one, and they struck it off well.
—You got any neighbors that ya think I might like to meet to help me get to know this area a little better? Archie asked.
The old man thought for a moment.
—They’s a little zen man that lives about halfway down the mountain where a gushin’ spring comes outta the ground. Some folks call’im the little goat man, but most of us call’im Zen. I don’t know why. He come down here a good while back from somewhere away from the hills. He don’t eat nothin but wild stuff and what he gits from his goats. He does keep a few chickens. Everybody around here keeps a few chickens. He rakes his yard about ever day. He totes up river gravel from the bottom a little sack-full at a time and dumps it in his yard and rakes it. Done that for years. Keeps the purdiest yard. It’s always got rake lines in it, and he rakes’em in purdy patterns in different patches around the place and he’s got these little trails around the yard where ya can walk and not mess up his gravel, and he’s got these little teenie trees next to big rocks scattered around. Don’t know how he gets them little trees to look like they’s grown trees. Most of the folks around here sweep their yards, but he don’t do that. He rakes his yard cuz it’s gravel instead of dirt and he gits them lines in it thataway. Man it’s purdy. Looks almost like a midget place. Oncet or twicet a month the sheriff’ll bring’im some whiskey and set a spell with’im. He usually brings’im enough till the next time. They been friends since before anybody can remember. Some folks say right after he gotchere they got in a little tussle when the sheriff went out there when Zen first showed up and bought his place. The sheriff wanted to let’im know he wuz an outsider and to let’im know who’s who around here, and the sheriff pushed’im down a couple of times, and the little zen man got up and whupped the daylights outta the sheriff who was twicet his size and strong as an ox and then he helped him git up and clean off the blood with some o’ that cold spring water and then the two of’em just generally rested and visited for a few minutes after he’d made sure he hat’n broke the sheriff’s arm. Then the sheriff offered’im a job and Zen said Naw he’d rather just stay up here and watch the sun come up of a mornin’ and the sheriff said okay he got that but he might need to deputiz’im ever now and then for special trouble and Zen said that’d be fine and the sheriff said he’d go ahead and deputize him right then for carryin’ a pistol and Zen said that’d be fine but he dit’n have a pistol and the sheriff said he’d bring’im one in a week or two, which he did and a gallon jug of whiskey. They been buddies ever since. Ain’t nobody messes with Zen.
Archie chuckled and said he’d love to meet Mr. Zen. The old man told Archie he would take him down to Zen’s place anytime he wanted to go but he didn’t think Zen was much into religion but he didn’t know for sure and he didn’t need to call him Mister. Archie said he wasn’t much into religion either, and the old man said But everybody knows you’re an archbishop. How can you not be into religion? Archie said We’ll talk more about that later. Let’s see if we can run down there in the morning.
Archie appreciated the Appalachian people for generally knowing how to fix their own problems. If they don’t, they will figure it out. They approach each problem with a view to pushing through it or working around it. They are seldom formulaic about it. They don’t need formulas; what’s there is there. Deal with it. And so he could see how the sheriff would not consider it to be unusual for Zen to help him after their tussle, and for them to become fast friends. As for Zen, his problem was that he had been pushed down twice – and he needed to make sure that he was not pushed down again. So in this case, he did not attempt to work around the problem, but rather chose to push through it. As a result, he made the problem go away.
From the sheriff’s point of view, he had just met a super interesting little fellow, who had whipped the daylights out of him. There was no call to be angry about this; he had simply met someone whose services he could use in the future. And besides, he was fascinated by this little fellow, who had taken him down, and then helped clean him up after the tussle. The fellow even acted like he actually liked the sheriff, which was unusual around here. Most people in these parts didn’t seem to like the sheriff, although they voted him into office every time there was an election. This puzzled the sheriff, but he didn’t let it bother him. Anyway, for now he had found a new buddy.
Archie looked forward to meeting Mr. Zen.